Saturday, November 22, 2014

when gay activism fails

These past few weeks have been extremely brutal for gay bloggers and writers. First, there was Andrew Caldwell, the man who claimed in a video gone viral he’d been delivered from his gayness at the annual Church Of God In Christ convention in St. Louis, Missouri earlier this month.

Since his skyrocket into internet fame, Caldwell has received criticism, but not by anyone in the gay media; At best, all everyone has done is to giggle, ignoring the fact that is a gay man serving up a con, and alot of it to the delight of those who don’t like gay people.

To them, Caldwell proves gay people are liars and unworthy of equal rights, including the right to marry.


Now we have this unfortunate incident involving Terry Bean, a high profile donor and fundraiser who cofounded the Human Rights Campaign and Gay And Lesbian Victory Fund, arrested and charged with sexually abusing a 15-year-old boy with his boyfriend in a hotel last year.

Since news broke, the gay community has been having its asses handed to them in spades on social media by anti-gay social justice warriors and activists and organizations. Can you blame them? The arrest of Bean and his boyfriend for sexually abusing a minor have given them capital, and they have gone on a spending spree.

Can I blame them? No.

Mr. Bean has caused irreparable harm to the gay rights movement. The popular gay blogging and writing community, the ones who have been at the forefront of this ‘war’ against homophobia, fucked up. Badly.

I don’t want to be defeatist. I shouldn’t be. But we got broken.  Thing is, I’ve been warning everyone and anyone for seven years do not give gay activists and organizations the benefit of the doubt. They will hurt you much like they hurt me once, I kept telling everyone.

But no one would listen. Instead everyone who entertained my concerns on IM, email, and social media rolled their eyes, and dismissed my concerns as nothing more than ramblings by a bitter old queen. I was looking for attention. I was involved in a conspiracy to legitimize a certain special interest group or controversial ideology. I’m a fake, a fraud, a poser, a liar, etc.

But I only failed myself. This blog might be enjoying a spike in readership, but I’m not doing this to become sell books on Amazon or songs on iTunes or become a pundit or personality. 

Our leadership has failed me and you. Leadership as in, the gay rights activists and organizations, the bloggers and writers who masquerade as transparency advocates, and advocate against anti-gay extremists in religion and politics. Men like Terrance Bean who somehow imagined he could get away with committing improprieties and above the law.


I need to protect myself (and my friends?) from their social amnesia.

We need to stop, once and for all, lying to ourselves and playing this stupid game of apples and oranges.

They’ve both begun to rot.

Friday, November 21, 2014

schadenfreude, terry bean edition

I shouldn't be deriving pleasure at the misery and misfortune of others, but hey, but this not just some random person. We're talking about someone who founded two major national political groups, The Human Rights Campaign and The Gay Lesbian Victory Fund, and who has been a major contributor for several Democratic presidential candidates, including Barack Obama.

And this does involve Gay, Inc; They've been notoriously bad when it comes to providing aid and assistance and whatever others resources that may be necessary for those charged in sacrosanct crimes.

And who knows? Maybe it was Terry Bean who put that directive into stone.

More on Terry later.

As  I've been witnessed to since news broke late Thursday afternoon of his arrest and no doubt many of you have as well,  The gay blogs and writers Dan Savage spoke so highly of [yesterday] have been doing their damnedest to make this story go away, this while anti-gay activists and organizations have been going apeshit on social media.

As I write this, Joe Jervis' story about the incident is the sixteenth story on his archaic, badly designed blog.  Towleroad's post is located on page 4 on his also badly designed website, which means that by days end, his readership need not bother with the spinning and the cutting and running and playing the "I Don't Know" litany.

Everyone else is suffering from a severe case of social amnesia.

Terry who?

I don't know anyone like that...

Yeah sure you don't.

And Dan Savage?
I'm on an deadline today—gotta get two columns out today because of the Thanksgiving holiday—so I don't have time to write this up. I'll have more to say about it tomorrow. Suffice it to say: fucking minors is wrong. It's a crime and if Bean and Lawson are guilty of the crime they've been charged with... I hope they both go away for a long, long time.
Gay blogs and writers are not ignoring this story—Joe My God is all over it, Towleroad is all over it—and I'm not ignoring it either. It just hit on a day when I had to be offline. 
More tomorrow.
It's twelve noon eastern time as I write this, and his promised "say" never materialized. 

Yes, I'm aware that Mr. Savage lives in Seattle, and it's the pacific time zone, and their morning is my afternoon, blah blah blah.

But the news cycle operates on eastern time, at least here in the US, and by the time his story goes live, and that's if, it will happen during the period known as the Friday News Dump.  This is an ongoing phenomena that occurs when people, usually those in politics and or news, release or publish bad news on Friday, when everyone is weekending, to avoid media scrutiny.

Short and sweet, Savage should have made time.

As for Terry Bean, last week, we had bloggers and activists pleading for civility when it came to Andrew Caldwell,  the man who came out as as ex-gay at a black christian event earlier this month in St Louis, Missouri and whose video has gone viral.

“The way that he is being shamed in the public, and the way he was being shamed in that church, is really heartbreaking to see."

Why is no one standing this about Terry?

Caldwell got paid to shill and behave like a moron for the black church.

That deserves shame and ridicule.

Terry Bean does not.  He needs our help, not people cutting and running.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Letting go vindicated at long last

How about that...
Until today, I've spent most of the week or month rather battling a mild to severe form of blogging malaise. But as I noted earler and with others via social media, it's not for lack of material; I'm just sick and tired from being sick and tired of the bullshit.

Even today's posts required a little extra effort on my end, which is still more than necessary because I really don't answer to anyone. 

I created ngblog/ngforequality blog and I'm on my time and my dime.

But to combat the slump, I decided to let go my disdain and contempt for the gay activism movement.  What's the point in demanding accountability, transparency, and an apology from people when the reality is they've done nothing to advance gay rights?  

I was in the final stages of that post when lo and behold, this news item comes to my attention:
Terry Bean, a Portland power player in national Democratic politics and the gay rights movement, was arrested today on charges of sex abuse in a case involving a 15-year-old boy. 
http://www.wweek.com/portland/blog-32476-terry_bean_arrested_on_charges_of_sex_abuse_of_a_minor.html
Needless to say, whatever slump I was in is now gone.

I've been vindicated.

You see, for a long time, Gay, Inc., vis a vis the the people who run and work at the Human Rights Campaign and the other organizations treated me like I never existed.  To be fair, they do that with everyone convicted of sacrosanct crimes deemed sex offenses by our government.

And the gay bloggers did what they were told (although I still believe they were acting in tangent with Peter LaBarbera.)

It's been like this every day since Thanksgiving weekend 2007, me fighting overzealous activists pro and con and putting up with all their bullshit, the bullshit from others blaming and scapegoating me for all their bullshit, and the bullshit from people inviting themselves to create controversy at my expense because I wouldn't agree or support their bullshit campaign against others.

Now we have this.

As one can imagine, activists and media personalities opposed to gay rights are in a state of euphoria while the popular gay bloggers are...

From Dan Savage's SLOG/The Stranger blog:
I'm on an deadline today—gotta get two columns out today because of the Thanksgiving holiday—so I don't have time to write this up. I'll have more to say about it tomorrow. Suffice it to say: fucking minors is wrong. It's a crime and if Bean and Lawson are guilty of the crime they've been charged with... I hope they both go away for a long, long time. 
Gay blogs and writers are not ignoring this story—Joe My God is all over it, Towleroad is all over it—and I'm not ignoring it either. It just hit on a day when I had to be offline.
More tomorrow. 
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2014/11/20/the-co-founder-of-the-human-rights-campaignterry-beanhas-been-arrested-for-allegedly-fucking-a-15-year-old-boy
True that; The popular gay blogs and writers are not ignoring this story.  They're cutting and running from the HRC as fast as their incompetent little fingers will let them.

More tomorrow.

all good things...

...must come to an end. So it was with regret that I announce...

Ah, who am I kidding?  I'm not going anywhere; Although I would be lying if I didn't admit I've been experiencing a mild to severe case of blogging malaise, that social phenomena that continues to sweep the blogosphere, that thing that prevents bloggers from, um, blogging.

Or maybe it's just I'm sick and tired of all the bullshit.

Somewhere, someone or some group, yesterday, today, and or tomorrow, said or wrote something demonstrable about gay people, and the gay media instead of demanding some kind of penalty for that individual or group, instead continue to play and pretend they're victims when the reality is they're really shills for them.

Yesterday's big story concerned Mark Regenerus - yes, him again - who apparently created a documentary or video series for The Vatican, and Pope Francis gave his official blessing.

The reaction to this revelation has been one of shock, SHOCK I TELL YOU.

I thought the Pope was pro-gay, they asked; Bitches, please: There have been people from the atheist community and infotainers and activists, gay, straight, and gay supportive, who have been warning us for months and months not to get caught in the hype.  But they all did anyway, and now they're acting like they've betrayed.

You all got punked.

Meanwhile, that "guilty pleasure" I described in the previous post? That went kaput thanks to someone who, and I don't know whether it was by purpose or coincidence, and by way of Google Hangouts, went on either a sales or story pitch, complaining about something which I may explain or write about in greater detail at a later date.  Then he started talking on and on about Pinterest.

I'm not into Pinterest.

I dont care for Pinterest.

I don't get it about Pinterest.

I don't want to get it about Pinterest.

Did I mention I don't care for Pinterest?

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Ello.  It was supposed to be a Facebook killer.  I was hoping to use it to drive traffic to my blog.  But no one wants to add or like me and I don't feel like adding or liking anyone currently on Ello either.

I digress; On Wednesday, after struggling with his webstream provider, and monetized ads that would not quit playing, I finally managed to watch The Thaddeus Matthews Show and struggle to listen to him hide his homophobia thru his continued indictment for the Church of God In Christ.

Struggle, as in, his show is terribly produced. Apparently he can't afford an audio mixer, so his viewers calls, which seem to occur thru a conference phone, are heard thru a studio mic. And throughout his show, all one hears is the phone ringing.  When Matthews takes calls, a majority of them are unintelligible.

So guilty pleasure be damned.  I just can't be bothered listening or watching someone playing coy over nature versus nuture and invoking the extremely tiresome and borderline poisonous trope, I'm not a bigot.

Yes, you are, Thaddeus Matthews.  Be proud. Own it. It's what makes you great.

So I'm right back where I started.

I'm full circle.

I'm between a rock and a hard place. Again.

Again.

The gay activist community continues to behave like a bunch of morons, continually legitimizing homophobia while pretending to be against it. A gay man volunteers himself into a dog and pony show committed by the Church Of God In Christ or COGIC and the gay community doesn't want to say or do anything, instead outsourcing to a TV host with a history of using homophobic slurs. 

And there's a problem that I can't discuss yet because I don't know the full details of said problem because the guy telling me about this problem wants to be vague and coy.  And I would appear to be the saving grace of said hypothetical problem even though no one wants me to be.

Any wonder why I've been experiencing blog lag?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

thaddeus matthews ia a guilty pleasure and i feel guilty for admitting it

There, I wrote it.

I explain further.


Ever since Andrew Caldwell and that viral video of his alleged "delivert" from his same sex orientation at The Church Of God In Christ annual convocation which took place in St Louis, Missouri earlier this month,  Memphis based internet radio host, Thaddeus Matthews has been going all in on both Caldwell and officials at COGIC,  and I've been loving every minute of it.

Yesterday, for example Matthews went off on President Bishop Charles E Blake, who on Sunday gave what I believe is a classic non apology apology, first apologizing on behalf of one his speakers who delivered an offensive and inappropriate speech against gays, and to Andrew Caldwell. But Blake also reaffirmed COGIC's opposition to same sex marriage which has many, including Matthews, asking, why bother?


image source Twitter
Here's the problem, at least for me: While Mr. Matthews is having none of it and that's a good thing, his criticisms appear to be motivated by homophobia, thus making this whole sordid saga all the more complicated.

There's a gay man trying to keep the ex-gay myth from completely going under, there's a sanctimonious hypocrisy taking place at COGIC involving mostly male on male sexual abuse, the gay media, that is the bloggers and advocacy journalists whom are supposed to be at the forefront of this controversy are instead on the sidelines, probably because no one ever learned how to best deal with that enemy from within.

Now we have a internet radio host with an anti-gay history becoming a voice of reason.

Any wonder there's been what is tantamount to a media blackout over Caldwell?

Seriously, where the fuck is the HRC? GLAAD?  Media Matters?  The so called former ex-gays?

It doesn't make any sense.


Friday, November 14, 2014

the week that was



Andrew Caldwell, The man who claimed to have been "delivered" from homosexuality at a Christian event in Missouri and whose video has gone viral, is insisting his testimony was legitimate.

Uh-huh.


Meanwhile, some of Caldwell's defenders are accusing gay activists of engaging in silencing tactics, blah blah blah, of negating and dismissing Caldwell's right to live his truth, blah blah blah.

If only that were true. None of the organizations or websites known for combating anti-gay extremism and the ex-gay movement (Truth Wins Out, Box Turtle Bulletin, Ex-Gay Watch) have even bothered publishing a response, somewhat surprising because we had a dimwit dressed in paisley suit and bow tie either volunteering or being duped into participating in what is or was a shameful, borderline despicable religious performance committed by members of Church Of God In Christ (COGIC.)

Would they had Caldwell been a white man?


We did have a few gay black activists and bloggers speak out on this whole shameful episode but they've been phoning it in mostly.

As for the so called popular gay blogs, they've been enjoying a bit of a fun, mostly at Caldwell's expense. Can anyone blame them? No, In fact, everyone has, and I can't blame or shame them because this video really is something to behold.

And therein lies the real shame; everyone is gawking (and cutting and pasting) instead of actually doing something.

There's more marriage equality news to talk or write about, but the reality is, it's all a sideshow and precursor to have The Supreme Court settle the gay marriage question once and for all. Until then, there is going to be lower court rulings which marriage equality activists and those who support "traditional marriage" will find either favorable or objectionable.  I don't know about anyone else, but there's only so much fainting and falling one can do over marriage before either things start to break or someone begins to wonder if a marriage equality activist might need to seek professional help.


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

i'm not gay no more guy identified

ngblog has learned the name of the gay man who claimed to be "delivered" from homosexuality, during the Church of God 2014 Holy Convocation Weekend and whose video has gone viral both to the delight and detriment of the gay community.

His name is Andrew Chad Caldwell and he lives in St. Louis, Missouri.  Apparently he outed himself on Facebook albeit thru a rambling message where he claimed to have been a victim of child rape and bullying:
"My name is Andrew Chad Caldwell. I appeared on a video at the recent Church of God in Christ International Convocation in St Louis.  On that video I gave a testimony of deliverance from homosexuality.  As a child, I was raped by a member of my own family.   At the time I did not think of it as abuse. I kind of enjoyed it.  I kept it to myself, not realizing how it had changed me.  Growing up wasn't a pleasant experience.    I was harassed, heckled, and ridiculed by classmates.  Many told me I would never amount to anything.  This gave me the motivation to try to prove them wrong.  Being fairly attractive as a young man, it was not difficult for me to get involved with other men.  I have dated athletes, ministers, and celebrities.  As time passed I got tired of this way of living. I always attended church.  But I always found the same things in church that I found in the world.  After joining my present church, it came to me that this lifestyle was not right.  It seemed that the more I tried to quite on my own, the more intense was the temptation.  All last week, I fasted and prayed.  On this past Saturday at the Convocation, there was an alter call.  I came forward and offered my testimony.  It was unscripted.  Not only do I hope for my own deliverance but for the deliverance of others who may be struggling with their own issues.  To my doubting detractors. I pray for you.  To my supporters, I am grateful for your support and prayers.
Reportedly this post has since been deleted.
But is it because Caldwell is experiencing a great deal of shame and ridicule fortaking part in a religious performance or is because others have found out Caldwell was recently arrested for insurance fraud?

http://www.stlmugshots.com/show.php?id=075893205&name=andrew-caldwell









This morning,  Brandon Porter, the bishop in the video who is shown helping to alleger Caldwell from his same sex attraction and giving him a $100 bill, appeared on Huffpost Live:


TO BE CONTINUED